So today was particularly torturesome, and really the only thing that gets me through the day are the artfully sculpted descriptions that float into my mind and keep me going until I return home. Surrounded by my books. Able to relay my dreadful histoires to Cait (who is really quite a trooper for putting up with my over-zealous ranting-that-escalates-quickly-into-yelling). And most importantly, to blog about said douche-balls.
Thus commencing:
Evil Customer Archetypes
(feel free to turn on some evil music here, perhaps some death metal?)
The Voluntary Houdini
n. Often characterized by something or someone, usually an annoying customer, who disappears without a trace, often at the height of the lunch-time rush and also leaving behind items that have already been scanned through the cash, leaving the cashier very much 'up the creek without a paddle', so to speak.
Example from today: Today's special example was excitingly much more dreary than usual. Picture this: we are very busy, and have about 15-20 people waiting in line, and when I announce that 'I can help the next customer in line' a girl that I am all too familiar with meanders up to my cash, baby stroller in tow, and, as usual, love handles protruding. Now I know this may seem harsh, but this girl is clearly a teen mom, which really warrants no sympathy from me, and she is about 2 sticks short of a match-book, if you know what I'm sayin'. So on this particularly fine day, she comes to my cash, and renders me slightly baffled, as she appears to have no merchandise (which is actually quite common, as people with baby strollers do use their strollers as carts, which is fine-most of the time). When I am about to ask what I can help her with, her phone starts blaring a delightful rap melody (yeah right) and she proceeds to tell ME 'one minute', and answers her phone. (!!) I kid you not. Like okay, I'll wait. (NOT!) So the other customers are very much as confused as I am, and try to come and purchase their items, with not much success, as she is completely blocking my cash register with her dysfunctional-in-every-way baggage. So after a few minutes of chatting it up with who-cares-who, she decides to just leave the store. Without paying for anything. And I'm like, 'whaaaaa... ?'. So long story short, she ends up coming back in after, I assume, finishing up her uber-important convo, just to ask me how many Optimum points she has, which turns out to be, like, 2. FML.
The Misdirected Angry Psychos
n. Referring to anyone who gets unnecessarily angry at someone who the blame does not fall with. Most often seen when a 5¢ charge is applied to a bag, a chip reading debit machine is not present, or when a price is not to their liking, often accompanied by 'that's highway robbery!' or, my personal favourite, anything that implies that I had anything to do with it.
Example from today: A man who vehemently questioned me on the exorbitant price of his cranberry juice. Like really sir, I do not know why it is this expensive, I DO NOT MAKE THE FREAKING PRICES OR POLICIES. It really never ceases to amaze me, that the types that usually berate me on the unfairness of the bag charge or the absurdness of not having a chip reader* are usually the really intellectual types, whom I really quite pity over not having the ability to think outside of their pathetic little 'I'm-better-than-you' box. Like you really think you are sooo smart, and you can't even realize that yelling at me is not going to do any more than yelling at gas would make the price of it go down.
n. Often characterized by something or someone, usually an annoying customer, who disappears without a trace, often at the height of the lunch-time rush and also leaving behind items that have already been scanned through the cash, leaving the cashier very much 'up the creek without a paddle', so to speak.
Example from today: Today's special example was excitingly much more dreary than usual. Picture this: we are very busy, and have about 15-20 people waiting in line, and when I announce that 'I can help the next customer in line' a girl that I am all too familiar with meanders up to my cash, baby stroller in tow, and, as usual, love handles protruding. Now I know this may seem harsh, but this girl is clearly a teen mom, which really warrants no sympathy from me, and she is about 2 sticks short of a match-book, if you know what I'm sayin'. So on this particularly fine day, she comes to my cash, and renders me slightly baffled, as she appears to have no merchandise (which is actually quite common, as people with baby strollers do use their strollers as carts, which is fine-most of the time). When I am about to ask what I can help her with, her phone starts blaring a delightful rap melody (yeah right) and she proceeds to tell ME 'one minute', and answers her phone. (!!) I kid you not. Like okay, I'll wait. (NOT!) So the other customers are very much as confused as I am, and try to come and purchase their items, with not much success, as she is completely blocking my cash register with her dysfunctional-in-every-way baggage. So after a few minutes of chatting it up with who-cares-who, she decides to just leave the store. Without paying for anything. And I'm like, 'whaaaaa... ?'. So long story short, she ends up coming back in after, I assume, finishing up her uber-important convo, just to ask me how many Optimum points she has, which turns out to be, like, 2. FML.
The Misdirected Angry Psychos
n. Referring to anyone who gets unnecessarily angry at someone who the blame does not fall with. Most often seen when a 5¢ charge is applied to a bag, a chip reading debit machine is not present, or when a price is not to their liking, often accompanied by 'that's highway robbery!' or, my personal favourite, anything that implies that I had anything to do with it.
Example from today: A man who vehemently questioned me on the exorbitant price of his cranberry juice. Like really sir, I do not know why it is this expensive, I DO NOT MAKE THE FREAKING PRICES OR POLICIES. It really never ceases to amaze me, that the types that usually berate me on the unfairness of the bag charge or the absurdness of not having a chip reader* are usually the really intellectual types, whom I really quite pity over not having the ability to think outside of their pathetic little 'I'm-better-than-you' box. Like you really think you are sooo smart, and you can't even realize that yelling at me is not going to do any more than yelling at gas would make the price of it go down.
*One guy actually said to me the other day (after the usual tango of me saying "go ahead and swipe" and him replying "swipe or chip?" and me stressing "SWIPE") "Oh so you don't like the chip, eh?" to which I replied, "I guess THEY don't". Like yes, no chip, ONLY at my cash, because I get to decide. Really? REALLY??
The Downright Bitch
n. This phenomenon can be characterized in many ways, and as such, is hard to really define. It can range anywhere from outright absurdity and ignorance, to just plain rotten and aware of it.
Example from today: A lady approaches my cash (also when there was a large line-up, it was really busy today) and proceeds to purchase her items, which were two cases of water. (which I had to reach over the cash and retrieve out of her cart, because apparently I am expected to memorize the bar code of every item in the store, but whatever, not a big deal, I was completely ready to let it slide). So the policy at our store is that no carts are allowed out, since we work in a very large mall and we are not able to find them if customers take them. Rarely, we let customers take them out, or go out with them so that we can bring the cart in, if they have too many items to carry out, but in this case, the lady had two people with her that were perfectly capable of carrying the two cases between the three of them. So I proceed to tell her that the cart is not allowed out. Woah, did that ever not go over well. Basicially this bitchtastic freak-face completely lost her shit and threw a temper tantrum worthy of a 2 year old (and believe me I've seen my fair share of these as well, as our store is directly across from Toys 'R Us). She balled up her receipt and pitched it on the floor, piled the two cases of water on her daughter (poor thing), and careened the cart backwards towards the remaining customers stating, "FINE, take back you own fucking cart!" and "I'm never shopping here again!" Really?! You promise?! I definitely don't want to see you anytime soon, or ever!
Still seeing red--Cheers & Enjoy♥
n. This phenomenon can be characterized in many ways, and as such, is hard to really define. It can range anywhere from outright absurdity and ignorance, to just plain rotten and aware of it.
Example from today: A lady approaches my cash (also when there was a large line-up, it was really busy today) and proceeds to purchase her items, which were two cases of water. (which I had to reach over the cash and retrieve out of her cart, because apparently I am expected to memorize the bar code of every item in the store, but whatever, not a big deal, I was completely ready to let it slide). So the policy at our store is that no carts are allowed out, since we work in a very large mall and we are not able to find them if customers take them. Rarely, we let customers take them out, or go out with them so that we can bring the cart in, if they have too many items to carry out, but in this case, the lady had two people with her that were perfectly capable of carrying the two cases between the three of them. So I proceed to tell her that the cart is not allowed out. Woah, did that ever not go over well. Basicially this bitchtastic freak-face completely lost her shit and threw a temper tantrum worthy of a 2 year old (and believe me I've seen my fair share of these as well, as our store is directly across from Toys 'R Us). She balled up her receipt and pitched it on the floor, piled the two cases of water on her daughter (poor thing), and careened the cart backwards towards the remaining customers stating, "FINE, take back you own fucking cart!" and "I'm never shopping here again!" Really?! You promise?! I definitely don't want to see you anytime soon, or ever!
Still seeing red--Cheers & Enjoy♥
LOL! Thanks for the laugh. I don't work at a store so my anecdotes are "from the other side of the aisle" so to speak.
ReplyDeleteI hope the next day ends up being better.